Mundane Life?

I’ve not been particularly good at writing on this blog. My previous blog felt more exciting. I was writing about what I’d do in the future. Every week, something meaningful happened, making me want to scribble a few hopeful lines before moving on to another meaningful experience.

Becoming a TLP is a path I wouldn’t have considered even about seven months ago, but here I am, heading in the direction that I’d like to. The problem for me is that life has become samey. I can tell you where I’ll be at any given time, I can tell you what I’ll be doing at most periods of time. There’s the general unpredictable nature of my work but that also seems samey. The same kid is likely to kick off, the same kid is likely to pee on something, the same kid is going to refuse all day and so on and so on.

I know I shouldn’t complain about it. I have an okay job with a lot of potential for growth, I have a reasonable salary and I’m gaining the skills to become a qualified teacher. I have, so far, done better than a lot of my classmates from school, college and university, so why do I keep having this sense of dissatisfaction?

I’m good at what I do. I get told often enough that I have some kind of intuition which most people have to learn over years and years of working with SEN. Just the other day, a student who notoriously hates everything and everyone told me that I was his second favourite teacher. I got a new student laughing with me which he’d only done when he peed on something he shouldn’t. My students are ploughing through all the work I set them, regardless of the difficulty of it.

These are all good things. I’m proud of my achievements but at this moment in time, I don’t think any of it is noteworthy.


Back to School

After weeks of feeling lost and not spending time with my ASC boys, I’m back at school where I feel like I belong. Don’t get me wrong, I’m great as a carer and I love my work with Cubs and Scouts but I feel my strongest in the school. I always half wanted to be a teacher (when I wasn’t hoping to transform into a dalmatian or ladybird) and nothing has excited me as much as being re-inspired to work in a school and educate young people. The first days back feel like the calm before the storm.

The first days back are relaxed and easy, nobody expects any work done and we chill out and play games together. We run around the woods, we swing each other on swings till we feel sick, go crabbing and play music. It feels like an avoidance of work to start with but we’re introducing ourselves back into their environment, which they won’t be staying in for very long due to our move/split.

Having finally been allowed to look around our new school, I’m excited and worried. It looks big but we are limited on space. I’m supposed to be delivering sex education lessons and how am I supposed to run that in a room with someone who is meant to be in a maths lesson? It’s an annoying part of my new plan. There’s potential for me being able to commandeer some space but for the time being I’m going to be avoiding that aspect of learning. There’s a lot of practical work that can be done so I suppose I’ll be avoiding sex education until the last minute.