I’ve not been particularly good at writing on this blog. My previous blog felt more exciting. I was writing about what I’d do in the future. Every week, something meaningful happened, making me want to scribble a few hopeful lines before moving on to another meaningful experience.
Becoming a TLP is a path I wouldn’t have considered even about seven months ago, but here I am, heading in the direction that I’d like to. The problem for me is that life has become samey. I can tell you where I’ll be at any given time, I can tell you what I’ll be doing at most periods of time. There’s the general unpredictable nature of my work but that also seems samey. The same kid is likely to kick off, the same kid is likely to pee on something, the same kid is going to refuse all day and so on and so on.
I know I shouldn’t complain about it. I have an okay job with a lot of potential for growth, I have a reasonable salary and I’m gaining the skills to become a qualified teacher. I have, so far, done better than a lot of my classmates from school, college and university, so why do I keep having this sense of dissatisfaction?
I’m good at what I do. I get told often enough that I have some kind of intuition which most people have to learn over years and years of working with SEN. Just the other day, a student who notoriously hates everything and everyone told me that I was his second favourite teacher. I got a new student laughing with me which he’d only done when he peed on something he shouldn’t. My students are ploughing through all the work I set them, regardless of the difficulty of it.
These are all good things. I’m proud of my achievements but at this moment in time, I don’t think any of it is noteworthy.